History of England Part 3

Queen Anne

Queen Anne showing off her legs

Continued from part 2...


Unsurprisingly, William and Mary didn’t have any children, so it was Mary’s little PIC sister Anne’s turn.  Queen Anne was most famous for her cabriolet legs, which Thomas Chippendale used as a model for his chairs. 

The other thing Anne did was to instigate the Act of Union between England and Scotland.  This was enormously successful, and to this day all Scots cheer for England when they play anyone else at football or rugby.


Despite the fact that her husband (another Johnny Foreigner, Danish this time) made her pregnant 17 times, she didn’t have any children, and so England had to look elsewhere.

The Georges

Sky Boat

George I was about umpteenth in line to the throne, but he was the right religion, so that outweighed everything else, including the fact that the sausage-eater didn’t speak the lingo.


His son, George II, was born in Germany like his dad, who he couldn’t stand.  His reign was most famous for the antics of Bonnie Prince Charlie (or Duckie, as his close friends called him) who invented the Sky Boat.



George III had 15 children, who drove him mad.  He was very popular in America, and the folks of Boston even threw a tea party for him, but he didn’t turn up, so they PIC carried on without him, and have done so ever since.  

Brighton Pavilion and Southsea Bubble

When he went bonkers his son took over.  This was called the regency, and Beau Brummel and his chums took to wearing regency stripes.  The Prince Regent built the Pavilion at Brighton and the Bubble at Southsea, just along the coast.  On becoming King, he revived the family traditions of having loads of mistresses and growing enormous in his old age.  By the time he died, the country had now had quite enough Georges, so his brother William took over and decided to become the last of the Hanoverians.  

Prince Albert

His 10 children were all illegitimate, but he had a niece, so it was her go.  She was named Victoria after the station, and, having decided that there weren’t enough bloody Germans in the royal family already, married her cousin, Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, who was famous for his idiosyncratic piercing.  He gave her nine children, one of whom gave birth to Kaiser Bill, and the British and Germans have been friends ever since, apart from a couple of minor spats.

Florence Nightingale invents the bong


All kinds of things happened in the Victorian age; Wellington met Napoleon under the clock at Waterloo, Florence Nightingale hit the headlines.  She was named after the place of her conception (as was her sister Behindthebikesheds Nightingale).  Meabwhile, Karl Marx invented herbal tea, declaring that all proper tea is theft.

Well, you know the rest: the uninteresting fight with the South Africans known as the Bore War, then the Great war which we won on penalties, and of course the abdication; Edward VIII left to marry Mrs Simpson, and shortly afterwards John Wayne won the replay against the Germans. 

Modern Times



Princess Elizabeth then married Philip of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg to keep this sceptred Isle safe from foreign invasion for ever more.



The End