In the beginning, people living in Britain were living mostly in caves, killing the odd mammoth but living largely on plants. Some of these, such as certain varieties of mushrooms which grew plentifully, did wonderful things to their minds, and so they tended to gather as many as they could, and perhaps even cultivate them. They couldn’t be bothered to do anything else for more than 2 million years, and the era is nowadays referred to as the Stoned Age.
Towards the end of the Stoned Age, immigration from Southern Europe began, and the early Britons were envious of their darker, healthy-looking skin. A Mrs. Ugh had the bright idea of opening the first tanning salon. The idea quickly spread, and thus started the Bronzed age.
Over the next 1,700 years, clothing progressed from rough animal hides to more sophisticated outfits made from wool and flax, but these were horribly creased until eventually somebody suggested that, if the garments were pressed between hot flat rocks, they looked a great deal better. This, then, became what we now call the Ironed Age.