Are you  ready to be Queen?

Times have changed; inherited lordship has gone, and our Royal family is loosening up. Even Harry’s latest squeeze is allowed in without a catholitic converter.  Now is surely the moment to get rid of our outdated royal lineage.    Who wants that old duffer Charlie to lead us, anyway?  Before we break the mould, though, it’s necessary to establish who has the qualifications.  Take this test to see whether you could be the next occupant of Buck House!

Most of my friends are:

1 Dustmen

2 Boxers

3 Duchesses


When I meet a man for the first time I say:

1 Hello

2 Hello big boy

3 Arise Sir


On my first date with a boy I:

1 Let him hold my hand

2 Let him snog me

3 Let him snog with my personal security guard


At Christmas I like to:

1 Put my feet up in front of the telly

2 Carve the turkey

3 Address the nation


I like opening:

1 Presents

2 Chocolate

3 Parliament


I am used to treading on:

1 Laminate flooring

2 Carpets

3 Corgis


I would like my son to be:

1 A minicab driver

2 A professional footballer

3 King



Our Royal expert writes:  If you scored 7-10, then frankly you’re going to have to up your game a bit.  A score of 11-18 means it’s worth putting your name forward when we go over to a system of elected monarchy.  If you scored 19 or more then you are probably an inmate of one of Her Majesty’s more secure mental establishments OR you are already Queen, in which case I’m afraid you’re not really eligible Ma’am.