Sexual healing could be at your fingertips this week, but it’s more likely you’ll have too much flatulence for intimacy. Stop pretending that you’re a passionate, creative person. We all know very well that you only use your fancy camera for selfies, and your true love is the remote control. Your intuitive energies are ideally suited for poetry, divination, and energy healing. Unfortunately, the world is consumed by business, industry, and war.
Now is the time to seek thrills and adventure. You will leave your boring job and your equally boring family and run away to seek your fortune. On your travels you will come across a family of travelling gypsies and fall in love with one of them. As a result, you will spend the rest of your days in a caravan with six children and sell clothes pegs door to door.
One Saturday evening your other half will be out, supposedly at a works do (hah!) You will decide to be lazy and order a Chinese takeaway. Unknown to you, the unscrupulous owner of the Golden Salmonella is trying to save money, and replaces the water chestnuts with daffodil bulbs. You will be taken to hospital doubled up in pain. Still, you’ll probably be out in the spring.